ATTEW – Chapter 14

On the day she first entered the childcare center—after crying for a long time in Seonghui’s arms—Eunho was allowed, thanks to Seonghui’s consideration, to wash alone in the tiny bathroom behind the director’s office.

Standing under warm water and washing as thoroughly as she could—missing spots here and there, but still trying her best—the blood and grime rinsed away well enough.

But then came the problem.

She had nothing to change into.

Seonghui had stepped out early so Eunho could wash in peace, and Eunho had taken full advantage of it, stripping her clothes off and leaving them outside the bathroom. Even if she hurriedly brought them in now, they were stained with blood and all sorts of filth—hardly something she wanted to put back on after washing.

‘What do I do…?’

After a brief hesitation, Eunho decided she’d just wear them again. She was a rat, after all. What was there to be precious about?

Thinking that, Eunho slipped out naked and grabbed her underwear first—

“Ah….”

And met Seonghui’s eyes.

Seonghui had come into the office with clothes in her hands, apparently planning to leave them and go. Her face was just as startled as Eunho’s—maybe more.

Because she’d just realized Eunho wasn’t a boy.

“…Eunho.”

“…….”

“Put these on first. I’m sorry. I didn’t come in because I wanted to see you, I just… I’ll step out.”

And that night, after stuffing herself with frozen samgyeopsal grilled to bursting and getting into a good mood, Eunho caved to the sweetness of the caramel Seonghui offered and spilled her secret.

“Why did you shave your head? Were you sick?”

Seonghui asked why she’d shaved it. Eunho repeated Hwajin’s words exactly—that there was nothing good waiting for you if you lived as a pretty girl, only a dirtier fate.

Seonghui pulled Eunho into her arms and cried. She ran her fingers over Eunho’s short hair and cried, murmuring, “What do we do… what do we do…”

It took months before Eunho could finally get her birth registration done. And naturally, she realized how pointless it had been to try to hide that she was a girl. To register a birth, you had to record the sex. You also needed hospital health check records.

She had to grow her hair so she wouldn’t look shabby, and she needed vaccinations to enter school. Because she was unprepared in every way, she couldn’t start school immediately.

In the meantime, with Seonghui and the other childcare teachers helping, she received education at the center. Eunho absorbed knowledge like a dried-out sponge. She learned so quickly that the teachers cheered and said a genius had appeared.

But…

There was one problem that made school feel dangerous.

Eunho’s extreme wariness. And her aggression.

“Eunho. Like earlier—biting other kids, pinching them, hitting, pushing… you can’t do that.”

“…….”

“If you want more rice or another side dish, you can ask. You don’t need to snatch it from another child.”

“……”

“You don’t have to steal snacks and hoard them, either. Here, that’s our promise.”

Maybe it was because she remembered being hungry all the time. Only after coming to the center did Eunho realize she had a fierce appetite.

Even when she was full, she tried to stockpile emergency rations.

Like a squirrel preparing for winter, she hid snacks in secret places only she knew. But when she did get hungry, she couldn’t bring herself to eat them because they felt too precious.

Then, when mold crept in and rot threatened, she’d finally panic and shove them into her mouth anyway—until she made herself sick. She landed in the hospital with food poisoning more than once.

And Eunho didn’t know how to be friends.

To her, everyone looked like a rival trying to take what was hers. So she bared her teeth harder. She sharpened herself. She stole first so she wouldn’t be stolen from. She hit first, so she wouldn’t be hit.

Maybe that was why.

When Eunho finally entered school at her age level—placed straight into fourth grade—she started getting called things like a foul-tempered girl and a vicious little bitch.

It was a nickname given by the kids she’d hurt. Later, even teachers—teachers who were sick of dealing with the chaos Eunho caused—whispered the same words behind her back.

And the nickname followed her all the way into high school.

Because after Eunho came to Warm Hands Childcare Center, fights broke out constantly. Every time someone rushed over to break one up, Eunho was always there—one side always her, the other side always changing.

Sometimes there were multiple opponents.

And it continued at school.

“Again? It’s you?”

“…….”

“Do you have to broadcast that you don’t have a mom like this?”

“…….”

“The director seems like such a good person. Aren’t you even sorry?“

“…….”

“You said you want to go to college. What good is being smart? You won’t get anywhere like this! There’s no fighting rooster like you. What college is going to take a fighting rooster?”

Whenever Eunho was branded “the problem child,” the person who suffered was Seonghui.

She was busy mediating fights between kids at the center. She got called to school as Eunho’s guardian, where she had to promise teachers she’d pay closer attention—and apologize to parents of kids who’d been hurt.

Seonghui bowed low in Eunho’s place. Over and over.

And every time she did, Eunho wanted to choke herself.

She had to endure it.

Even if people whispered and pointed, even if they looked down on her for being an orphan, even if they called her arrogant for someone with nothing—she should’ve ignored it.

But she couldn’t.

The first time Eunho saw Seonghui exhale a tired sigh after paying another student’s medical bills because Eunho had attacked them, Eunho finally begged forgiveness.

And yet Seonghui never once yelled at her.

Being firm, saying “No,” scolding—that was different from getting angry.

“At the center, and at school, violence is not allowed. And neither is swearing meant to hurt someone. That’s our rule.“

“It doesn’t mean you have to respect people who don’t respect you. It just means you don’t need to make enemies first.“

“Eunho, the strongest weapon is kindness. It doesn’t look like much, but when you’re truly struggling, it becomes a great strength.“

In front of Seonghui’s soft voice—steady, weighted—young Eunho was confused.

“I can’t give you as much as you’d want… but I’ll try my best. So before you take or steal someone else’s food, will you tell me first?”

Eunho nodded, reluctant. Seonghui touched Eunho’s cheek, worry written all over her face.

Drunk on the warmth in that hand, Eunho tilted her head and asked, carefully:

“What if someone hits me?”

“Hm?”

“If someone makes me angry. If someone makes me sad.”

“…….”

“You have to pay it back, don’t you? An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. Tears for tears.“

“…Why do you think that?“

Seonghui’s face looked sad, for some reason.

“If I don’t, they’ll look down on me. They’ll think I’m easy. They’ll take everything I have—everything that matters to me.“

“…….“

“I’m pretty. They said being pretty doesn’t do a woman any good—only tangles her fate.“

“So if I don’t want people to treat me like I’m nothing just because I’m a girl, I have to show them first. I’m the only one who can protect me.“

“Ah… Eunho.“

Understanding—finally—where Eunho’s wariness and aggression came from, realizing it was something Hwajin had taught her and the world had carved into her, Seonghui held Eunho close and soothed her.

Then she did everything she could to teach her.

“Why are you the only one who can protect you? There are police. There are firefighters. And sometimes, friends protect you too.“

“And I’m here, too.“

“…….“

Because Eunho couldn’t accept it—because she couldn’t stop doubting—Seonghui made her read books.

“Character-building” fairy tales.

Over and over, with impossible patience, Seonghui raised her.

She was the person who taught Eunho how to live like a human being.

The person who taught her how to live as a girl.

And so, at twenty, Eunho no longer got called things like “rat” or “little rat shit.” She almost never heard the old words—foul-tempered bitch, vicious little bitch—either.

Sometimes, though, she still heard a tough bitch.

“……”

Eunho pressed her lips together.

She tries.

She tries so hard to live the way Seonghui taught her—the way Seonghui had been proud to see her live—but it isn’t easy.

And today, she failed again, turning the guy who’d been pestering her at the convenience store into an enemy.

“…I should’ve endured it.”

With a sigh, Eunho got off the bus.

She steadied her thoughts, calmed the mess in her head, and started walking.

Up ahead, the sign for Warm Hands Childcare Center came into view.