TSOTI – Chapter 5.6
by Peach MooseSilence fell between them for a moment. In the quiet darkness, Seungwoo still gazed at the embraced Doyoung. His usually cold eyes were warm. Like a small island holding the moon, they shone softly.
—”I can’t hold him back just because of my selfishness.”
Doyoung’s shoulders shook violently. Seeing him speak so gently while saying he couldn’t hold on made the tears unstoppable.
—”Isn’t it hard for you, too? Having to send Doyoung hyung away soon…… Doesn’t it bother you at all?”
Seungwoo paused. Still looking at Doyoung with warm eyes, he gave a small, wry smile. His silence, his gaze on Doyoung, stirred countless emotions in him.
—”It hurts. Just looking at him like this makes my chest ache.”
Doyoung finally broke down. Unable to withstand the surging emotions, he burst into unrestrained sobs. Seungwoo’s words—that just looking at him made his chest ache—struck too deeply, tore at his heart so fiercely that he could no longer hold back and cried out with abandon.
He felt so foolish. So hateful toward himself for leaving the island while abandoning two people who loved him this much. He had run away like a coward, using reality’s cruelty as an excuse. He had given up like an idiot, never truly understanding the depth of the love they offered.
—“I hope you’re doing well. Even better than when you were here.”
With those final words from Seungwoo, the video ended.
Now, staring at the blackened screen, Doyoung kept crying. He reached out and groped for the laptop. Through the touch screen, it felt almost as if he could feel Seungwoo’s vanished face.
Longing crashed over him like waves. He missed them—the ones who had smiled so warmly at him, looked at him with more tenderness than anyone. He wanted to feel their breath. He wanted to be held fiercely by them once more.
Seungbin… Seungwoo… Seungbin… Seungwoo… hng…”
In that way, Doyoung called out their names one last time, the names he had missed so unbearably. The memories he had tried so hard to forget, the ones he had painfully turned away from, revived in his chest and tormented him.
Soon, the world outside the window turned pure white. Even the flickering streetlamp went out, and everything was filled with white light. Until the sun rose high and brightened the world, Doyoung’s tears never stopped. Morning sunlight quietly spread across his tear-soaked, gaunt cheeks.
***
It was an evening that felt more like broad daylight than dusk. Because summer had just begun, even though the clock already pointed toward seven, the sky still held its full blue.
High-rise buildings cast long shadows, rising like a vast forest in the city center. Irregular reflections of red sunset and cold light tangled across glass facades, while between narrow streets, the sound of footsteps replaced the wind.
Office workers in suits flowed endlessly. Shoulders sagged as though carrying the weight of the day, yet their steps remained hurried.
Beep—.
Caught among the rushing crowd at a crosswalk, Doyoung turned toward the car that had stopped abruptly in front of him with a blaring horn. The luxury sedan with pitch-black tinted windows was one he recognized.
Soon, the passenger-side window rolled down. Through the open glass, the driver came into view.
“Get in. I’ll give you a ride.”
A man with neatly swept-back hair, dressed in a sharp navy suit, spoke. Doyoung stared at him through the window without a word. The light changed to green. The man showed no intention of moving, gazing at Doyoung with leisurely composure.
Beep, beep.
When the signal turned red again, the cars lined up behind began honking. Doyoung, who had been biting his lip, finally let out a sigh and approached the car. Even as he opened the door and got in, the waiting vehicles kept blaring their horns. Rough protests from people desperate to move on.
“Going home, right?”
The man asked. He reached over to fasten Doyoung’s seatbelt himself.
“I’ll do it.”
But before his hand could touch, Doyoung answered first. Then, as if to prove a point, he buckled it himself. The man shrugged as though it were nothing and took the wheel again. Amid the ceaseless honking, his car smoothly pulled away.
Inside the moving car, Doyoung kept his gaze fixed out the window. The world behind the black tint felt somehow gloomy despite the sweltering weather. Doyoung exhaled as though stifled. Today, of all days, his necktie felt suffocating.
“Have you thought about my proposal?”
Only after the car left the forest of buildings and entered a quieter road did the man speak again. Doyoung’s face visibly hardened. He had expected this since the man picked him up after work, yet hearing it still tightened his chest. He bit his lower lip out of habit.
“Director, I…”
“Isn’t it about time you gave me an answer? I feel like I’ve waited quite a while.”
Doyoung’s hand resting on his knee clenched into a tight fist. He knew this man wasn’t someone he could treat carelessly. His boss—and someone positioned far too high for anyone to handle lightly.
“I’m…… sorry.”
Doyoung bowed his head like a sinner even though he had committed no crime. Even in that moment, his heart sank heavily, fingertips tingling.
The man in the driver’s seat tilted his head at the ambiguous reply. He looked genuinely puzzled.
“Is that a refusal?”
After a long silence, Doyoung finally opened his mouth.
“……Yes.”
“You do understand what refusing my proposal means, right?”
“I do.”
The man let out a small laugh. Even after being cleanly rejected, his composure didn’t waver.
“I thought Choi Doyoung was smart. Guess I misjudged.”
Doyoung bit his lip again. Every word the man spoke felt like another weight dropping onto his chest.
He knew the man wasn’t a bad person. He also knew he was terrifying—someone he couldn’t afford to disregard.
But Doyoung could not accept his proposal. Because…… his heart still had no room to accept anyone else.
“Please…… stop the car. I’ll take the subway from here.”
Spotting a subway station through the window, Doyoung spoke. The man glanced at the sidewalk ahead, frowning slightly as though displeased.
“This won’t do. That won’t do. Now, even letting me drive you home is no good.”
Though he spoke with a smile, an undercurrent of subtle coercion ran thick through his tone. Doyoung—who knew better than anyone this was his usual way of speaking—could only grow more somber.
“Why are you playing so hard to get? Makes me want you even more.”
Doyoung’s face crumpled. He didn’t want to hear talk like this from a workplace superior. Or perhaps—starting tomorrow, this man might no longer be his superior. After refusing the proposal, he might never work as his secretary again.
“I’m sorry. Please let me out.”
“…Ha.”
The man exhaled shortly. Then, as though he had no choice, he pulled over. They had already passed the subway station long ago during their back-and-forth. By the time the argument ended, they were this far.
“Thank you for the ride. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Doyoung bowed politely and stepped out. Even as he closed the door, the man never took his eyes off him.
Wanting to escape that burdensome gaze, Doyoung quickly shut the door. The car remained stopped, but he didn’t look back. He hurried toward the station he had already passed.
Even on the way from the subway to his one-room apartment, the world remained bright. Three years as an office worker now—his living conditions have improved considerably. From a damp, mold-filled semi-basement to a decent one-room unit. Of course, it was still quite a walk from the station and cramped, but to Doyoung, it was a precious home.
The heat made him sweat while walking. Company rules required long-sleeve shirts and jackets, so even someone tolerant of heat felt stifled. Doyoung took off his jacket, draped it over his arm, and trudged onward. Today, the uphill slope felt especially steep.
Has it ever been this hot? The last few summers had felt relatively cool. Perhaps summer only felt scorching because that had been the last time. Back when he spent happy days on Banwoldo.
Thud.
Suddenly, Doyoung stopped in place. The mere thought of Banwoldo made his heart pound violently. Whenever things got hard, he had endured by waiting for the day he could return. Enduring and enduring, he had reached where he was now.
“Ah…….”
He had clearly started all this to become happy…… Yet somehow he felt utterly exhausted. Staring only forward, he seemed to have forgotten something important. He had vowed to become a better person—yet why was he falling apart again? He had promised to stand proudly—yet why was he suffering like this once more?
Doyoung painfully realized how worn out he had become after running nonstop for three years. Like his sweat-soaked shirt, all he had gained from pushing so hard was a tattered mind and body.
He was tired. Tired of watching his back around a boss who constantly came onto him. Tired of desperately holding onto a position won through fierce competition. Tired of clutching the small achievements built over three years.
He wanted to go back to that time. To those days when he could live happily without a single thought. To those hot moments spent on that island.
“Haa…….”
A long sigh escaped. What could possibly change by thinking like this now? Running mindlessly, years had already passed. He had come too far to turn back time.
There had been countless moments when he wanted to return to them. But each time, compared to the resolve he had when he left, the current him felt far too shabby. He still felt immature. He lacked the confidence to appear before them as someone impressive.
He also lacked certainty that they would welcome him back. So, caught between neither advancing nor retreating, time had slipped away like this.
Doyoung began walking toward home again. The once-bright sky had taken on sunset hues, dyeing everything red. His weary footsteps felt heavy. His bowed head refused to lift in the sweltering weather.
When he finally reached his building after walking for what felt like forever, Doyoung was at last able to raise his head. In that moment, he saw them—two figures standing like apparitions amid the orange-tinted city.
“Ah…….”
Thinking it might be an illusion, or perhaps a dream, Doyoung squeezed his eyes shut. He stood there for a long while. Afraid that if he opened them again, they would vanish, terrified, this really was only a dream.
Slowly, he opened his eyes. Praying he hadn’t misseen, he looked ahead again. In front of his one-room apartment stood two men. One of them waved toward him—smiling brightly as always.
“Hyung!”
Hearing that voice, Doyoung finally realized this was no illusion. The voice had grown slightly deeper; their appearances more striking—clear traces of the years passed.
“Is that really you? Doyoung hyung?”
Doyoung closed his eyes again. Overwhelming emotion surged in his chest. They were here in front of him again. Not in dreams, but in reality—facing him once more.
He couldn’t believe it. The two he had planned to find once he was ready had come to him first. The joy felt dreamlike, his heart so full it ached.
The three years of effort to return to them had not been in vain. Though he had not gone to them, they had come to him. Gratitude toward Seungwoo and Seungbin for never forgetting him after all this time brought fresh tears.
He opened his eyes. With an expression bright with excitement, he walked toward the two men who watched him—one smiling radiantly, the other quietly observing with seeming indifference.
Doyoung threw himself into their arms in one breath. Pouring out the longing he had endured without words, he laughed and cried in their embrace.
They too held him wordlessly. As though the empty years apart meant nothing, they naturally drew close—cheek to cheek, lips brushing, confirming each other’s presence.
Before long, even the sunset vanished, and the sky turned pitch black. The blowing wind felt fiercely hot. Summer had returned. The season that had once been so scorching for Doyoung…… was beginning again.
〈That Summer, On That Island〉 — End
To be continued in the side story.