ATTEW – Chapter 5

Living as a Guhyeongjip kid, Eunho had naturally learned that she herself had been born from acts like that. You couldn’t help but pick it up from the words the adults around her exchanged.

Once, on TV, she’d seen people talk about pregnancy and childbirth as something holy and sublime, using big, lofty words. Eunho had snorted at that.

If everyone got pregnant and gave birth after doing that, then it was a long way from holy or sublime. The only proper book Eunho owned was a New Millennium Korean Dictionary (Revised Edition) that Hwajin had scavenged somewhere, and when she looked those words up, they absolutely did not match what happened in there.

Eunho had even seen Hwajin doing it with men. Hwajin probably thought it was fine to do it in the same room since the kid was young enough not to remember. Or maybe she hadn’t thought anything at all. Either way, Eunho figured that might have been her first memory.

While Eunho sat beside them, mixing cold rice into soybean sprout soup and shoveling it into her mouth, Hwajin was pinned beneath a dark-skinned man, gasping and gagging. The man kept dragging out his words, yelling “fuck,” and Hwajin had yelled something in Korean along the lines of, “Fuck, you bastard, you’re huge—just hurry up and finish!”

Maybe the growling sound the man made had been scary, like an animal. Eunho burst into tears—”waaah.” The man laughed and said something, and Hwajin frowned and shouted, “My waist, my waist! My baby cry!”

No. That wasn’t her first memory.

The oldest memory Eunho remembered was…….

“…….”

Swinging her legs from the chair behind the counter, Eunho’s gaze drifted to the fogged-up glass window.

Snow was falling. Big flakes—larger than her fingernails—heavy, downy snow.

Yeah. About that big, she thought.

She believed the snowflakes that had clouded her blurry vision not long after she was born had looked just like that. Eunho recalled the moment she believed to be her oldest memory.

Back then, wrapped in a red scarf, she had been abandoned in a vast white snowfield and cried with all her might. Newly born, the cold that pierced her impossibly soft skin had been so painful she wailed and wailed. How long had she cried like that?

[“Ha… haa… fuck, seriously.”]

Against the backdrop of a heavy, gray sky, Hwajin’s face—pale as snow—had appeared in her vision. Biting her lip, Hwajin looked torn, glancing back and forth between the overcast sky and Eunho before dragging a hand down her face and letting out a low groan.

[“Why are you still alive! It’s been two hours already!”]

Annoyed by the fact that Eunho was still alive, Hwajin vented her irritation and scanned the area. She’d raised her voice and startled herself, wary that someone might come because of the noise—or because of Eunho’s crying.

[“Fuck. My rotten fate.”]

With those words, Eunho’s body was lifted. And then she felt a familiar warmth—the warmth that had held her for nine months. Months later, she gained the name Lee Eunho. A name given by one of Hwajin’s customers.

“…….”

No. This wasn’t her first memory either.

What newborn could possibly remember the moment they were born? Even if she was a sharp little rat, an old soul of a nine-year-old, Eunho knew it made no sense to remember being a newborn.

She knew the truth. The reason she could picture the day she was born like a TV drama was…….

[“Even though I’ve got a cursed fate, my heart is weak, fuck. I should’ve abandoned her back then. If I had, she wouldn’t have to live like this, right? If she didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be living like this either. I could’ve hooked up with some young, rich guy early and fixed my life. Listen. Even now, whenever I think about the day I gave birth to her…”]

[“It was fucking cold. My belly felt like it was tearing, down there felt like it was burning, and water was gushing between my legs. But I kept walking to find a place with no people. Hospital? What hospital—I didn’t even have money to eat or die. Besides, I was young. Young enough not to know how to take care of my body. I don’t know—I just wanted to go somewhere deserted and drop the baby. So I gave birth alone in that freezing snowfield.”]

It was because Eunho had grown sick of hearing Hwajin recount those stories like some kind of war tale. The scene she believed was her first memory was something she had imagined after listening to Hwajin talk about abandoning her in the snow and then going back to pick her up.

How cold it had been that day. How vast the snowfield in some rural corner of Gangwon Province where she’d been abandoned. How enormous the falling snow had been. How vicious the wind is. How loud the cries of the tiny newborn wrapped in a red scarf and left in the snow.

Based on the stories she’d heard over and over, Eunho had turned the moment she’d been born and abandoned into sensations. The temperature that day, the humidity and smell, the color of the sky, and the cold of the drifting snowflakes. Even the scenery she wouldn’t have seen—buried in snow, or before her vision had properly formed—she could recreate as if she were describing a photograph.

And she imagined that moment often. Even though it was sad, painful, and bitter, she kept imagining it, without knowing why. Some days, it felt as though she’d gone back to that time, buried in the snow again. On days like that, a freezing wind blew through the chest of little Eunho all day long.

“Your man’s leaving—aren’t you even coming out?”

“What are you saying? Just close the door and go.”

“Our Hwajin—why so prickly again? My legs are shaking, I can’t even get up.”

“Yeah. Because of you, oppa.”

“Crazy bitch. I let it slide because you’re cute.”

Apparently satisfied with his time with Hwajin, the Dog-Tattoo Bastard came out of the room, hiking up his pants with a sleazy grin. A fishy smell instantly filled the tiny shop.

It was the smell that lingered every time men came and went. Eunho hated it and held her breath. If she pinched her nose like last time, she’d get smacked for acting like she knew something she shouldn’t.

“Rat bastard—so you were here?”

“…….”

“Fuck, this kid never greets anyone. You mute? You mute or what?”

“…….”

“Say hi, kid. I’m the guy who made you a little sibling.”

“Why say that shit to a kid! You wore a condom—how’s a kid supposed to happen?”

Hwajin’s sharp voice rang out from behind the sliding door. The Dog-Tattoo Bastard cackled, grabbed a pack of gum from the counter, and turned it over in his hands before tossing it aside and leaving the shop.

Pouting, Eunho put the gum back where it belonged and stood up. She needed to fill the basin halfway with cold water, then pour in the boiling water from the kettle on the stove and take it into the room.

“He’s gone?”

“Yeah.”

“Crazy bastard, saying shit that doesn’t even make sense.Can’t even fuck properly.”

Listening to Hwajin grumble from behind the sliding door, Eunho headed toward the tiny kitchen where the washbasin was. Then she spun around at the angry shout.

“Fuck, that bastard—seriously!”

The sliding door was yanked open. Hwajin stormed out into the shop, looking just as disheveled as she had after fighting with Myeongok at [Night Pass Super], fuming.

“Where are you going?”

“He shorted me, that bastard.”

“Mom, the wash—”

“Leave it! Is wash water the problem right now? I’ve gotta catch the bastard who stole my five thousand won!”

In Hwajin’s hand as she slipped into her slippers was a bundle of one-thousand and five-thousand won bills. The money the Dog-Tattoo Bastard had left as payment was short.

“Ugh, that bastard sucked my tits first. Size is big, but he doesn’t even know how to fuck properly—yet he sucks tits like a pro and made me lose my mind.”

“…….”

Payment was always upfront, so there was usually no chance of being shorted. But the Dog-Tattoo Bastard was a recent regular, so she must’ve let her guard down. And right after coming back from [Night Pass Super], she’d been dragged in and had her chest sucked on—she said she’d lost her head.

After the man left, thirsty from all the carrying on she’d done to keep him excited, Hwajin reached for the water set aside. That was when she noticed the money on the tray, checked it late, and realized some was missing.

“Do you know how much five thousand won is? With five thousand, I could buy our Eunho an extra-large jjajangmyeon and still have money left!”

Worried as Hwajin hurried out of the shop, Eunho followed. Down below, she spotted the man swaggering leisurely down the alley. Hwajin broke into a run.